so how tight is too tight. say on the line of having a little play? better yet I have an inch lbs torque wrench. I know it is hart to explain in a forum and more of a hands on thing.
It is hard for me, everything at work is big lbs ft. so I like to over tighten and use red and blue lock tight.

Yeah, definitely don't torque the crap out of airsoft stuff. With all the cheap pot metal used and tight threadings, you'll strip the crap out of stuff in no time.

Generally, you want to tighten it just enough that it doesn't wobble, plus a *tiny* bit more. That's always more than enough. If you're squeezing your driver to the point where you white knuckle, that's WAY too much. If you need the part to hold, add some blue loctite. There is pretty much no application in airsoft that would require a red loctite solution.